That is to say it is hard being empathetic. Generally I am the friend/family member people come to, to talk about their innermost thoughts, feelings, fears and hurts. I like being able to give someone comfort, I know I am a good listener. Apparently there is something about me that says "tell Lonnie all your problems," maybe it is some sort of sign on my back, akin to the 'kick me' sign (because sometimes I feel like I am being kicked with people's problems).
Somehow, despite being the person people can go to, I am terrible at solving people's problems. there is a good reason why I am terrible at solving them though; I am not a magician, nor am I God or even a god. I know this, my friends know this, but for some reason I feel like I am a horrible person because I cannot solve the problems of others.
I feel as though my inability to solve the problems somehow means I am the cause of the problems. Now I know it is impossible for me to be the cause of a problem that existed before I even knew about it, but my mind does not work on logic. nope.
I become consumed with guilt and worry if my friends are ill, or unhappy or worried or lonely or just plain old depressed.
I do not sleep at night, worrying what they are feeling, how they are doing, I worry about whether or not they are watching what they eat, I worry about if their hearts are broken.
Who worries about me? No one, and not because they don't care, but because it isn't fucking normal to worry like this about people who will live and die in a manner completely out of my control.
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