Just a Question To God

I've never asked you for much.
I just want to be loved.
I don't ask you for money, or fame or any material things.
All I've asked is to be loved, to have a family of my own, someone I can share all of myself with until we wither and die and our dust blows out into the universe.
But maybe, love was simply too much to ask for.
Maybe you never meant for me to have it,
just like you never meant for me to have solid health.
Maybe i'm just supposed to be here,
give love,
be sick and die,
alone.

But if that is all you want from me, then why do you flash my dreams before my eyes, where I can almost reach it?
I wouldn't mind if you didn't always tease me with dreams coming true, only to take them away too soon.

I know I have no right to complain, no right to ask.
I am just a small speck in this, your universe.

I Want too Much

I long for a love that will be real.
Really real.
Someone who will watch me when I am sleeping, and not hate me for being asleep while they are not, but rather, admire me and desire to keep me safe in their arms.
Someone who will look into my eyes when we talk, and when we make love and when we eat our meals.
Someone who will listen to my dumb stories about how my day was, even when my day was meaningless.
Someone who will want to be around me, even when I am sick, or have my period, or am feeling sad or angry.
Someone who will think I am clever,
Someone who will long to be near me and miss me when we are apart.
Someone who will make time for me, even if that time is just a couple minutes, to send me a text that says, "You were on my mind."
Someone who will tell me they love me and mean it.
Someone who will find me as attractive as i find them.

I want someone who will love me as completely as I love you, I want that someone to be you,

I watch you in your sleep sometimes, I listen to your breathing, I even love the sound of your snore; it's rhythm lulls me to sleep.
I wrap my arms around your sleeping body and enjoy the warmth and fragility and strength of your body.
I think of you all damned day: what you are doing, how you are feeling? Wonder if you're even thinking about me. When you are ill, i wish you'd let me come take care of you, make you soup, feed you, wrap you in blankets and kiss you on your face.

Do you even understand that I love you genuinely? I love you with your flaws and baggage.
I do not want you to be afraid of loving me back.
But even if you are afraid, I'll love you anyway.